The Adjustment
I have made a list of the fears of a lifetime—distance, silence, abandonment—and found them all bearable. But the one unbearable truth that keeps me awake.
To me, is Death.
The thick suffocating silence.
A loneliness like no other when you are surrounded by people.
The feeling of being left behind on a long, lone road with no idea where the North is.
To me, Death…
Death, when it happens to you but not you.
To call my grandmother and never hearing her voice.
A mother no longer able to hug her son’s body.
To me, death is…
That someone I loved who choose to die; leaving someone I cannot fix.
To witness a death and not be able to do something about it.
The loss of a mind that no longer lives in a body.
And death…is
The death of the absent father.
Losing a sister.
Even so, after all, I am not afraid of dying. But I dread the time that takes my human brain to adjust to the reality of all of it.
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